Hot-Mess Moms DIY: Plan Your Summer Vacation Jul 19, 2018

How to plan a last-minute family vacation 

The first step is to do absolutely nothing to plan a family trip while vaguely resenting your partner for not doing anything either. This may sound simple, but it takes a truly artful procrastinator to hold off until after the Fourth of July to start wondering about whether you can get someone to fill in for you at work in August.

That beach tent looks well constructed

The next step is to be absolutely half-hearted about making decisions. "Should we go to your mother's?" "Maybe. I don't know." Now no one knows what is happening, but it's guaranteed to be dull.

knee-shredding fall in 3-2-.....

Step three is to completely panic ten or twelve days before you are supposed to leave to go...somewhere....because you haven't gotten a dog sitter, confirmed a place to stay while you're gone, told the nanny you're leaving, or convinced yourself that work won't burn to the ground while you are gone.

probably in a swimsuit because they forgot to pack me a bag

Next, set an absurdly and pointlessly early departure time in the morning. Stay up late the night before dashing about looking for things you may or may not need (beach cabana, battery powered lantern) while hissing self-righteously at each other "don't wake the baby!!" 

wonder how many trains were missed before we caught this one

Finally leave very, very late without drinking any coffee or feeding the baby properly. Stand on the curb arguing about where the bags should go in the car, and who should go back upstairs for the third time to get a phone charger. Get in the car and snap at each other about which navigation app to use. Pull away from the curb as the baby wails and it begins to rain. Enjoy your trip!